Normally I adore Scarleteen, and recommend them unreservedly as a source of sex info and advice. And I feel a bit churlish calling them out on this one, since I found out about it because they were kind enough to link to me in their “wide range of feminist views of porn” section. If their advice had been about almost any other form of sexual activity, I would have been right there with them. And when it comes to the lap dances, I think their perspective is valid.
But when it comes to porn, I think they missed the boat.
I’m going to go out on a limb here:
I don’t think anyone has the right to expect their partner not to watch porn.
Why not? Well, let me put it this way. Do people have the right to expect their partners not to masturbate? Or, for that matter, do people have the right to expect their partners not to watch reality TV or read true crime? On their own time, when they don’t have any obligations and their partner isn’t around?
And if not — then why on earth would anyone have the right to expect their partner not to watch porn?
I elaborate my thoughts on this in the comments section after Greta's post, but basically, I'm more or less in agreement with her on this for the same set of reasons she gives, with the caveat (and nod to the Scarleteen position) that its up to the partners in every individual relationship to determine what's "reasonable" to give up or tolerate from the other partner. (Within the limits of putting up with what constitutes outright abuse by a partner.) I also think that, like attitudes toward meat-eating, religion, or monogamy, attitudes toward porn are one of those issues that its best for partners to be on the same page going into a relationship.
Addendum: Greta Christina follows up on the subject further here. She also has some interesting thoughts on how this relates to the negotiation of monogamy or non-monogamy in relationships here.