Wednesday, August 22, 2007

How not to talk to a porn star

Over on the 2257 thread on Feministe, a discussion of porn star Melissa-Ashley came up. This prompted me to check out her MySpace blog. I thought this post was quite well-written and expresses a common frustration with the attitude that some people take toward porn models.
What I'm about to say has been goin' on for a while now, but lately it's been really bad and I can't just hold my tongue about it any longer.

Why the fuck do guys insist on sending me inappropriate email? I get literally about 1,000 emails a day, at at least 700 of them are just plain dirty, some are even kinda offensive. Why do ya'll think it's okay to say that shit to me? Yeah, I get naked for a living. Yeah, I'm a slutty girl. But that doesn't give you the right to run your nasty little mouth and say whatever you want to me! Above my career, I'm a lady and I expect to be treated as such. So what, I like to get naked and I like to have sex. But that DOES NOT mean you can treat me like a whore! No, I don't wanna see a photo of your dick. No, I don't wanna see a photo of one of my pics covered in your cum. No, I don't wanna read a long, detailed email about how you wanna rape me. No, I'm not gonna send you my phone number so I can talk dirty to you while you stroke off. No, I'm not gonna send you a personal, naked pic of me. And what really pisses me off the most about all this, is that it says so right there on my main profile page! If I wanna see your dick, I'll say so. If I wanna send you a personal photo, I'll ask for your email address. If I wanna have sex with you, I'll ask! So if that's all you want from me, leave me the fuck alone!

I'm not really a whore, I only play one on TV.

Dana DeArmond has a YouTube video that expresses the sentiment with a bit more levity.

13 comments:

  1. I can respect how Melissa feels about being overwhelmed by such email....and I would think that people would be a bit more respectful of her spoken wishes.

    On the other hand, though, one of the regular occupational hazards of being a female porn performer is that you will get such "attention" from men who, for whatever reason, think that these women only think about sex (especially sex with them) 24/7/365. It basically goes with the territory.

    Some performers take it all in stride and simply hit the mass "delete" button when confronted with such overbearingness; others are a bit more forceful like Melissa was in expressing their frustration. In other words, it all depends on the individual performer's attitude; but regardless of all that, the basic respect should remain.

    I do find, though, that those performers who have been in the business longer and who have a more positive and affirmative view of sex to begin with tend to be better able to handle the occasional overzealousness of their fans than those who are new or are only motivated by short term profit or noteriety or the paycheck.

    But that's only my view.


    Anthony

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  2. "I do find, though, that those performers who have been in the business longer and who have a more positive and affirmative view of sex to begin with tend to be better able to handle the occasional overzealousness of their fans than those who are new or are only motivated by short term profit or noteriety or the paycheck."

    Yeah, except Melissa-Ashley is definitely a "veteren" – she's been making films for over 8 years now. I think this kind of thing is especially a problem on MySpace, though, which a lot of porn stars (both well-known and not so) are using for publicity. I've found that smaller forums, often run by the model herself, are a lot more respectful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. On the other hand, though, one of the regular occupational hazards of being a female porn performer is that you will get such "attention" from men who, for whatever reason, think that these women only think about sex (especially sex with them) 24/7/365.

    Well, that's a problem with the men, not with the women who are porn performers. It's not exactly rocket science to conceive of the fact that, hey, we all don't think about ONE THING (whatever that thing may be) all the goddamn time. Oh, and we all don't want to receive a bunch of uninvited email from people who like our work.

    People are people. Why is this such a difficult concept?

    ReplyDelete
  4. And just a double comment to say...

    Those "it comes with the territory" type comments really piss me the fuck off. That's a lazy excuse that's been used to justify all sorts of sexist, racist, homophobic, etc. behavior.

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  5. Yeah, and it doesn't make it okay. You could say the same thing about anyone who becomes famous and gets crazy-ass stalkers and badly typed threats or declarations of love in the mail all the time; I don't know what can be done to make that shit stop definitively but for sure for sure saying that it just goes with the territory when someone who's been on the receiving end of it (unlike say, oneself): Not Cool.

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  6. Amber:

    Please don't misconstrue my comments about "it comes with the territory" to mean that I approve of and endorse such boorish and over-the-top behavior by such men; I only meant to say that that was a usual occupational hazard for women who work in porn.

    My apologies if that was taken in that way; that wasn't my intentions.


    Anthony

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  7. And ditto for Belle and anyone else, too.


    Anthony

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  8. From IACB:

    [...] I think this kind of thing is especially a problem on MySpace, though, which a lot of porn stars (both well-known and not so) are using for publicity. I've found that smaller forums, often run by the model herself, are a lot more respectful.

    An excellent point....it seems that the more open the access is for networks like MySpace, the more likely that you will see this kind of behavior. The smaller forums are usually restricted to paid members and can be screened to kick out the riffraff "wannafucks".


    Anthony

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  9. Sorry for the multiple posts..but I just discovered this post by Vicky Vette from her MySpace page (warning, NSFW) which raises a similar complaint about some boorish emails...but with a bit different approach.


    August 19, 2007 - Sunday

    SFN Doubters Beware....

    Nothing makes me more happy than being questioned if I am really Vicky Vette. A guy who goes by Envision714 on SFN [Stern Friends Network, the forum for fans of Howard Stern] and has this profile: [URL of profile deleted by me to protect the guilty], here, dared to call me out, saying I had to send him a picture of me with his name on it to prove it was me. Yes, Mr. Small Penis Envision.... I can type, work on a computer, respond to threads, and answer fan mail. You have such a small penis it is not even funny. Having said that Mr. Small Penis Envision 714, thanks for being another guy who called on me to do that. Ha ha... just kidding Envision but you should never mess with a MILF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boobs & Brains, another friend of mine, calls out all the ridiculous messages she gets. For the record, I really do run my page and messages such as:
    - can you send me a free dvd
    - can I fuck you
    - wassup- ???
    - how much money do you make?
    - how is it hanging ?
    - AIM me!
    Are really tough to respond to...... thanks to all the great fans out there who take the time to write and I love responding to the emails from guys and girls who write in. But with the volume of mail, I do not want to go back to my old policy of letting myspace be a place I do not respond to mail from because of the volume.

    Envision did not do this, but since I am on the subject, one last thing...... I am a pornstar...... for any of you that do send a friend request, try not to send a request that includes a picture of your child...... what is that all about - kinda creepy? Do you know how many people do that?

    LOL..... I am off to shoot some over 18 porn!


    Just saying that there are different approaches to dealing with the overenthusiastic and overzealous fan.


    Anthony

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  10. Anthony, thanks for clarifying.

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  11. I can honestly understand what she is saying. She is a lady and should be treated like one. No matter what she does to make a living she is always gonna be a human being. I'm gonna give her a round of applause for saying the truth.
    Come on suppose it was your sister , how would you feel ? Hmm?

    ReplyDelete
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