Tuesday, July 31, 2007

There are no gay men in the world!

NPNH has posted an article (original source) on "advice to parents of boys on the threshold of being teenagers":

As you leave childhood, your old brain expands its focus to a new task. It urges you to get excited about girls. It hopes that someday you will pass on copies of yourself in the form of babies. As odd as it may seem, this is the number one job for the old brain.

Your old brain prepares you for this future task by making you “hungry” for anything that is related to sex.

In fact, your old brain thinks sex is way more interesting than eating. That's why sexual feelings can be much more intense than hunger.

When you stumble upon something connected with making babies – like a website with naked women on it, or some other picture associated with sex – your old brain takes over. It releases chemicals into your brain that make you feel like true happiness is just around the corner. It is like the feeling you get when you're about to open your birthday presents. This feeling is the old brain's way of giving you a big “yes!” for focusing on sex. As one man said, “When I saw my first picture of a naked woman I thought, ‘This is just wonderful!”
News flash: Gay boys are a myth, like unicorns and actual faeries of the winged sort.



  1. eyeroll. but but trinity, of -course- thingie isn't heterocentric, he's all for gay marriage, he's said so himself! of course gay people want to be -exactly like- (his ideal of) straight people, all 767.5 of 'em, particularly the one with the athlete's foot. and of course no one minds being frigging invisible all the time: just mentally substitute "boys" for "girls" there, it's -exactly the same-, and what's the hubbub, bub?

    --oh, some of the people we've been citing apparently -do- think gay people don't have blood like yours and mine, but a sticky black ichor, and that's why they aren't being mentioned? Oh, well, hm. We'll look into it. Thanks for your feedback. Say, did we mention (horrific and repulsive details of some abuse of young girls in Outer Elbonia, some really obscure fetish we found in our hours of 'research,' just how grody gloryholes are, what's happening to our property values)? Well, it's REALLY BAD. Why can't you empathize with (see above) if you're asking us to acknowledge that gay people exist and might have some problems that aren't caused by pr0n, huh? It's only fair...

  2. Hold up a sec....so, a Playboy or Penthouse pictoral is designed for the expressed purpose of "making babies"????

    Hmmmph....funny, but I know the first time I saw a porn movie, I really did want to marry the starlet and have several of her kids...'cuz that was the only way that I could get into her panties. Or...the first attractive girl I saw.

    Of course, seeing pics of nekked men with rock-hard dicks only doesn't count here....that only leads straight men to grab tire irons and beat up the first gay man they see in public. Nothing "exciting" about that, you see.

    And, of course, relieving such "excitement" though that act of "self-abuse" called masturbation is totally off the list...because spilling God's seed makes kittens cry.

    Hey, Adam....you may need to cinch up the straitjacket a bit.


  3. Can't....stop....laughing....at the stupid!

  4. p.s. I KNEW IT!!! i just KNEW he was a pain in the ass neighbor about other shit as well:


    Someone mentioned this in a comment a while ago, but I think it bears emphasizing. Adam Cohen recently started a new website, the North Street Neighborhood Association. Although he doesn't sign his name (in typical Adam Cohen form), it bears numerous hallmarks of his style: clunky writing; an unweildy, overcrowded sidebar; all and only self-referential links; comments are not permitted; and a disingenuous, overbroad, good-versus-evil description of his goals.

    This time, he's interested in saving the wetlands. All wetlands? No. Just some of them. All wetlands in Hampshire County, then? No, think smaller. (After all, small things matter.) All wetlands in Northampton? Nope. Just the wetlands right near his house. He's opposing the efforts of a developer who wants to put condos up on View Avenue, a block or so from his Victorian mansion. Which is located at 134 North Street.

    I'm not saying that we shouldn't be preserving our wetlands. We should. I'm just saying that Adam Cohen doesn't care about wetlands; he cares about enhancing the value of his house, and he considers wetlands to be a useful tool to that end. As with porn stores, he seems to care about things only when they come within a half-mile radius of his home.

    Also, according to this post, there are numerous reasons why it is incredibly stupid to build near wetlands. But your house is near wetlands, Adam, and you want to keep it that way. So which is it? Are wetlands so awful that it's stupid to build near them, or are wetlands so valuable to the communities that surround them that it is essential to preserve them?

    I dunno, but i'm totally entertained by the idea of swamp zombies comin' for him at some point...

  5. Good Lord, nothing like a little pseudo-science and pop ev-psych to back up your case with! Complete with "ancient spritual wisdom" spiel.

    I notice that the Reuniting page also makes a big to-do about the salutory effects of oxytocin release during partnered sex, something abstinence education folks also make a lot of hay with.

    And from the Reuniting forum, this rather large generalization about gay men vs lesbians, and the "fact" that women NEVER pay for sex.

  6. So Adam Cohen is suddenly an enviromentalist now that tract homes might go up in his neighborhood? Funny how its not something that seems to have been worth his time before.

    Anyway, maybe keeping his local woodlot from being cut down will provide him with a more productive use for his energies than trying to shame people for looking at dirty pictures.

  7. that dude seriously has -way- too much time on his hands. and that's not a charge i make lightly...

  8. In fact, your old brain thinks sex is way more interesting than eating. That's why sexual feelings can be much more intense than hunger.

    Goodness, so that's how come at age 21 I was a father to several children, and skinny as a rake...

    Actually, I was a virgin and weighed over 200lb.

    Hmm, something not quite right with my "old brain", perhaps?

    Or maybe that theory is somewhat lacking in depth and substance?

  9. I like all the GEICO caveman illustrations with that article (maybe the subtitle should have been "Sex - so easy, a caveman can do it").

    But seriously folks, the first time I noticed girls as something other than those annoying people with high pitched voices who used a different locker room in gym class (when I was a high school sophomore in the spring of 1982), I was NOT thinking about making babies.

    I WAS thinking about those amazing round glands on their chests, and I wonder what they feel like, and I wish I wasn't so shy, otherwise I'd be able to ask one of them if I could touch them (and how could I look down the front of their blouses without them yelling at me and/or having their older brother smack me in the head).

    Having kids was the furthest thing from my mind.

    Even today, I'm really into sex - but the whole having kids thing, not so much!

    Maybe I need to go out and get one of those Fred Flintstone-style leopard skin loincloths and a big club.